Zwangzug national football team/roster

The Zwangzug national football team has participated in World Cup cycles 33-42, beginning with the 25th Baptism of Fire; World Cup cycles 64-69; Eagles Cup 6-10, World Cup cycles 80, 82-present (but not 81); Independent Associations Championship 9, and the first B71 Invitational. Ranges should be interpreted in this context. Players whose names are linked have more detailed writeups elsewhere.

A

 * Ramona Ambaile-Hund: MF, Sporting Esper, KF Koflir, EC7-World Cup 83, 11 goals
 * Micah Angier: MF, Eintracht Trink, WC82-WC85, 10 goals
 * Leslie Applebaum: DF, Excelsior Slogda, EC7-WC80Q
 * Ezekiel Arden-Ria: DF, Bassabook Old Boys, EC6
 * Jesse Arneson: DF, WC37
 * Chevanthi Arokiaraj: DF, Namiri Forest, CoH 72-WC85, 2 goals. Captain Eagles Cup 8-WC85. A practicing Hindu who occasionally appeared on Interreligious Sniping.
 * Esther Axelrod-Conway: MF, Mâ Âlâmëómë, B71 Invitational-present, 11 goals. Scored four goals on the final day of World Cup 89 qualifying, narrowly lifting Zwangzug to direct qualification ahead of Siovanija and Teusland on goal difference tiebreakers. This is believed to be a record/unique achievement in national team history.

B

 * Shula Bachchan-Laum: MF, Namiri Independent, FC Solovetsky Monastery, WC64-CoH 60, 3 goals. Argumentative, although not so much with the ref, just liked to get the last word.
 * Satenik Banach: MF, Keppal Cosmos, WC82-WC86, 10 goals. A notable advocate for fiber crackers to fight all manner of gastrointestinal ailments, and a leading goalscorer in the Hinodejin video game simulation of World Cup 85.
 * Jacob Barons: MF, WC33-38, 15 goals. Notably outgoing as a Ketrian, though few saw much beyond that in the early and virulently secular years of Zwangzug's emergence. However, his steady and capable play earned him the team captaincy beginning in World Cup 36.
 * Eddie Barnes: MF, Dunboor FC, WC35-WC41, 1 goal
 * Tygo Beumers: DF, Keppal Cosmos, WC68-CoH 60
 * Cameron Beyer: DF, WC37-38
 * Shobhana Birla: GK, Namiri Forest, EC7-WC83
 * Dana Bloomquist: DF, Turks' Club, Marquez-Onwere, WC38-WC39, WC42
 * Gordon Blum: FW, Bassabook Old Boys, EC8-89, 48c goals
 * Jaclyn Burkhart: MF, Ephesian FC, WC84-89, 20 goals. The leading goalscorer among women on the national team.
 * Mark Bryant: GK, Arlington City, EC6-EC7

C

 * Rebecca Calhoun: DF, Arlington City, WC38-WC42
 * Daphne Camonoba: DF, Excelsior Slogda, EC6
 * Andrew Card: DF, Joseon, WC33-WC42, 1 goal
 * Itzhak Canterbury: GK, Spenson Suburbia, EC8-EC10
 * Edwin Cherenkov-Nguyen: MF, Trebuchet Cham, WC83-EC10, 28 goals. Clinched qualification for World Cup 83 with winning goal against Pasarga on the final matchday of qualifiers, still had problems fitting his entire surname onto a kit.
 * Edward Ciaver-Maripov: DF, Twineur Bugs, WC69
 * Brett Chrowder: DF, Canbix Muses, WC64-WC66. Captain during his tenure, first captain of the "second generation" team.
 * Maya Coelho: MF, Rovers United, WC67-WC69, 8 goals
 * Penny Consky-Bock: DF, 102d Jr.s, WC64-CoH 56
 * Bennett Covy: DF, Arlington City, Mont-Lambert FC, WC38-42. Prone to nerves in big games, did better away from the spotlight.
 * Lissa Crain: DF, 102d Jr.s, Baraldhur AFC, WC85-present, 1 goal. Team of the season in the Tikariot Premier League season 101. Captain CoH 80-present.
 * Bradley Curnow: DF, Spenson Suburbia, AC Quarant Xa'Virt, WC42. Couldn't swim; could and did dive.

D

 * Paige Daunten: GK, Sporting Esper, North Sabrefell, La Nueva Avenida, WC82-EC9. A fan of the "Ecstasy of Winging" fantasy series, somewhat literal-minded, and perhaps ill-suited to the chaos of Farfadillis society. Despite this, was named to the FFL best XI in its final season as an independent league, and Galacticos long-listed in cycle 77 and 78.
 * Brendan Deguela: MF, Chelmar FC, IYC Ajer, WC37-42, 6 goals
 * Luanne Delvale: DF, Arlington City, WC64-WC67. Drew comparisons to her distant predecessor Rube Tercer, for being a Lutheran dork who got worked up about multiverse conspiracy theories rather than for being good at defense.
 * Keshav Dhankot: MF, Namiri Independent, EC7-CoH 72, 7 goals
 * Evan Diallo: MF, Twineur Bugs, CoH 60-WC69, 1 goal
 * Javier Drouet: DF, Spenson Suburbia, WC86-WC88. Somewhat of a rules stickler.
 * Quincy Dulk-Fough: FW, Rovers United, EC12-present. A survivor of the Wayr Stadium Lockdown as a youth player.

E

 * Patricia Eliot: MF, Canbix Muses, Matthew City Rangers, WC64-WC69, 3 goals
 * Percy Eskridge: MF, Spenson Suburbia, WC68-WC69

F

 * Cynthia Fairfax-Hazy: DF, CoH 80-present, Arlington City
 * Joshua Farthing: GK, Sporting Esper, WC64-CoH 57. Gave his own lipogram interviews, which is pretty much where you want your goalkeeper-eccentricity levels to be calibrated.
 * Mal Faustino: DF, A.F.F., World Cup 36-World Cup 40, 1 goal. Focused but confident, and willing to challenge the prevailing orthodoxy in the national team. After his retirement, he opened a supermarket in Abadia, which expanded into including a restaurant.
 * Ian Felsenfeld: FW, IYC Uharan, Chelmar FC, WC37-40, 3 goals. Very inconsistent, could have excellent or terrible performances with no way of predicting them. Teamed up with Evan Terwilliger for more erraticness at Chelmar. Later the manager of IYC Vanan, where he had a “clever man-managing style” and was a “wonder-worker” in keeping them relevant.
 * Jocelyn Fekapeu-Chara: DF, Sporting Esper, WC68-WC69
 * Ione Friede: MF, Canbix Muses, WC82-EC9, 13 goals
 * Blake Fures: MF, Bassabook Old Boys, WC69. A self-proclaimed "chap" who had to explain chappy things to the rest of the team during the "World Cup of Chaps."

G

 * Nirav Gadhavi: GK, Namiri Independent, WC67-WC69
 * Simon Gannett: DF, Canbix Muses, B71 Invitational-present, 3 goals. Scored go-ahead goal in extra time against Mertagne during Eagles Cup 11 quarterfinal.
 * Heather Garland-Fowler: DF, Sporting Esper, EC7-WC82Q
 * Ariadne Ge: MF, FTC United, EC7-CoH 72, 1 goal
 * Joan Gerland: MF, Spenson Suburbia, Matthew City Senators, WC64-WC67, 12 goals. Her #7 was retired for the Senators.
 * Trent Gerson: FW, Spenson Suburbia, Swinedon Town, WC40-42, 1 goal. A fairly selfish forward, Gerson's relative consistency nevertheless made him popular in Swinedon. This, and his attitude, would in turn make him widely disliked in the rest of Sorthern Northland, which was apparently typical for Swinedon.
 * Aimee Ginoud-Sachs: MF, Twineur Bugs, WC88-present, 2 goals
 * Spencer Gleason: FW, Ephesian FC, WC80-WC82Q, 14 goals. Known for his activism in the players' union, agitating for better contracts and players' rights in terms of visiting nonexistent countries.
 * Dirk Grosa: MF, Spenson Suburbia, IYC Ajer, WC39-42. A perfectionist who always found something to complain about, but this did bring about a superlative work ethic.
 * Turan Gul: DF, Namiri Independent, EC6-EC7. Captain of the Eagles Cup 7 team.
 * Hannah Gustafson: MF, 102d Jr.s, EC6, 1 goal
 * Ogechi Guttuso: MF, Bassabook Old Boys, EC6, 1 goal

H

 * Sara Hale-Barnard: DF, Canbix Muses, WC64-WC66. Somewhat of a professional fouler.
 * Roger Hammers: MF, Seojang, WC33-37
 * Bartholomew Hanson: DF, WC36-38. Very tall and young-looking, but more mature than his appearance indicated. Named to the Best XXIII of World Cup 36.
 * Kazue Harel: DF, Eintracht Trink, WC67-WC68Q
 * Kostya Hart-Farm: FW, Excelsior Slogda, WC82-CoH 74, 5 goals
 * Kayla Haugen: MF, Trebuchet Cham, EC10-present, 8 goals
 * Lukas Helsen-Roan: MF, Ephesian FC, EC12-present
 * Jonas Henke: FW, Rovers United, Atlético Insular, World Cup 41-42, 1 goal. A more sedate counterpart (and possibly better finisher) to Muus Jurin when they played together for the Rovers. As the peerless CCFM newswires put it, he "died of old age (not so old, though), so he was forced to retire by natural circumstances."
 * Solveig Henson-Quar: MF, 102d Jr.s, EC7-CoH 72, 1 goal
 * Kim Higden: GK, Rovers United, EC7-CoH 72. A native of the Picksall Islands and fluent in their consonant-poor language; she coached their representative side in IAC 12 and was one of the all-star coaches for the Muralos team.
 * Dennis Horkawer-Rippel: MF, Keppal Cosmos, Fligsive FC, WC67-WC69, 5 goals

I

 * Sally Ici-Holder: MF, 102d Jr.s, WC64-CoH 56, 3 goals
 * Johan Idmar: FW, Keppal Cosmos, EC8-CoH 80, 47 goals. His struggles at the historic Tundra Falls Proving Grounds were attributed to the spirits smiting his atheism, at least by a few superstitious fans.
 * Olivia Idoni: MF, Bassabook Old Boys, EC6, 3 goals
 * Ketevan Igreli: GK, Keppal Cosmos, WC89-present
 * Natalie Instonenext: DF, Port of Clotaire, WC37-41

J

 * Kirsten Jackson: DF, Twineur Bugs, EC12-present
 * Marlene Jamieson: DF, Keppal Cosmos, WC64-WC66
 * Kendra Jover: MF, Ephesian FC, EC7-CoH 74, 3 goals. Captain during the WC80 and WC82 cycles.
 * Muus Jurin: FW, Rovers United, Char Sara FC, WC41-42, 15 goals. An entertaining fan favorite whose shots could be heard from the upper deck when they were on-target enough even to hit the post. His name lent itself well to non-booing "MUUUUUUUS!" cheers.

K

 * Lilavati Kanwar: DF, Namiri Forest, Lobyuseistvooshu, WC69
 * Sonal Kaur: DF, Namiri Forest, WC41-42. Named "defender of the season" in the first MUFN campaign after captaining Namiri to the title. Had a sufficiently gender-neutral name to be scouted by the CCFM, despite the whole "masculino" thing.
 * Davi Keane-Liuprand: MF, Ephesian FC, WC64-CoH 60, 5 goals. A good sport, yet prone to usually-quiet grudges. Scored twice and invented the "5-f-3-s-%" [sic] formation during the first leg of the second-round playoff against Darmen in the WC68 qualifiers.
 * Natasha Keller: MF, Rovers United, WC39-42, 5 goals. Said to have the joy, enthusiasm, and tactical positioning of a five-year-old.
 * Geoff Kempner: MF, Arlington City, Metropolitano, WC40-42. Right wing and active member of the players' union, or at least he was in Zwangzug. Dinky little mustache.
 * Mitchell Kernkraft: MF, WC42, Rovers United, Wiechester FC. No flair, but a hard-working grinder. Later became Wiechester manager.
 * Nora Kent-Maner: MF, Sporting Esper, WC86-present, 11 goals.
 * Bethany Kieschnick: DF, WC37-38
 * Riley Kivrin: MF, Arlington City, WC83-WC87, 3 goals. May possibly be even shorter than 5'3" broadcaster Emmylou Brighton and Xíxì Êns; scored the equalizing goal against Farfadillis to advance to the World Cup 85 knockout stages.
 * Jenna Kowalski: DF, Arlington City, WC87-present
 * Komala Kristinsdottir: MF, Namiri Independent, EC6, 3 goals
 * Megan Kucinich: MF, Wexax United, World Cup 38-42, 2 goals. An adventurous player who was seemingly up for a trip anywhere in the multiverse, except her opponents' half of the field, which made her "a bit of a cult figure" in the Holy Empire and much less so with Andrew Card. Debuted after Ursula Lauren's injury in the World Cup 38 qualifiers.
 * Lucas Kukiseso: MF, Spenson Suburbia, WC80-IAC9, 9 goals
 * Antje Kurzmann-Tremme: MF, Eintracht Trink, WC64-WC66, 4 goals. Nervy and concerned about self-/family-defense once she became a big time celebrity.
 * Nidhi Kulamard: MF, FTC United, EC6, 1 goal
 * Eugene Kyp-Sobol: DF, Excelsior Slogda, EC6. Captain of the Eagles Cup 6 champions.

L

 * Vipin Lamin: DF, Namiri Forest, WC64-WC67. Made lots of pithy lists. Named to the "World XI" of World Cup 67, possibly for being one of the only defenders who was nominated (in his case, by district rival Shula Bachchan-Laum).
 * Gabi Lanius-Sexton: FW, Trebuchet Cham, CoH 74, 1 goal
 * Hajna Lantos: GK, Canbix Muses, CoH 60-WC69
 * Ursula Lauren: MF, Arrigo Portuguese, WC37-39, 1 goal. The national team's first female starter, who preferred to be judged on her play rather than demographic role and/or treatment of people who went on about it. She scored five goals in seasons XXVI and XXVII for Arrigo.
 * Michelle Lawrence: MF, Ephesian FC, EC6
 * Tara Lenski: DF, Rovers United, Caires City, WC40-WC42. Injury-prone with a penchant for highlight-reel stops, two concepts which overlapped too frequently. Played seasons XXX-XXXII in Caires; three goals, two own goals there.
 * Vanessa Leiter: DF, Canbix Muses, EC7-CoH 72
 * Allison Levi-Gold: DF, Sporting Esper, WC82-WC86, 2 goals. Zwangzug's nomination for Galactico Junior during UICA cycle 70.
 * Preston Liebersbach: FW, WC37-WC39, 4 goals. Spoke a unique idiolect of English which could include "yah, sure, yabetcha" and "yo dawg" in the same sentence.

M

 * Gary Maini: FW, Albrecht Turkish, WC37-41, 42 goals
 * Saena Mathash: GK, Namiri Forest, WC42
 * Yul Maughum: FW, WC33-36, 32 goals. A son of the eastern FTC's social elite, he was a large if slow-footed forward. Though his shots had more power than aim, he still set up many goals for crosstown teammate Phillip Stings.
 * Khamisi McCluey: FW, Rovers United, Royal Rumiatzi, Cup of Harmony 57-CoH 60, 19 goals. Was a reserve for Rovers United in the "Fair Play Trophy" around the time of World Cup 62, before Zwangzug had returned to international play. Scored 18 goals for Royal Rumiatzi in season 658, the third-highest total.
 * Jonah McCollins: MF, Bassabook Old Boys, WC83-WC87, 27 goals. Captain B71 Invitational-WC87.
 * Junia McCue: DF, Arlington City, B71 Invitational-present, 5 goals
 * Jerzy McFetridge: DF, Keppal Cosmos, WC64-CoH 60, 2 goals. Fast going forward, also quick to come to terms with weird stuff going on and adjust to that.
 * Jen McFult: DF, Rovers United, WC69
 * Kayla McGee: DF, WC37
 * Desmond McGowan: DF, Spenson Suburbia, EC7-CoH 74. A big fan of the video game SCQ: Superceleritas Quest.
 * Joel McJakill: GK, Keppal Cosmos, WC80-IAC9. Believed to be part of the inspiration behind "Harmony Sound," The Sesquipedals' (a Keppal City-based band)' entry in the World Cup 83 concert. Named to the Galacticos long-list post-IFCF 1, after the dramatic but disappointing World Cup 84 group stages and Keppal's international competitions in the first IFCF/FFI cycles.
 * Xolani McKiegna: MF, 102d Jr.s, WC64-WC66, 3 goals. Brother-in-law of Kaj McKiegna, a keelboat sailor in the Water World Championships and 8th Summer Olympics.
 * Zoe McQuoid: MF, Namiri Forest, WC39-42
 * Jesse McWhorter: DF, Ephesian FC, EC10-present. Younger brother of Samuel McWhorter, a Rovers United player who retired for medical reasons after the Wayr Stadium lockdown.
 * Bruce Millar: GK, Excelsior Slogda, Burgess FC, WC64-WC69. Fairly outgoing and laid-back by goalkeeper standards.
 * Harshit Mistry: DF, Namiri Forest, EC6-EC7, 1 goal
 * Tova Miovuku: DF, Trebuchet Cham, WC84-89, 7 goals
 * Terrence Montague: MF, Bassabook Old Boys, EC7-WC80Q, 2 goals
 * Sophie Munshi: MF, Namiri Independent, Mierton Manatees, WC83-88, 13 goals. Galacticos longlist cycle 78. Captain EC 10-WC88.
 * Loris Muraro-Ughi: FW, Bassabook Old Boys, WC64-CoH 57, 10 goals

N

 * Yuuki Nakano: MF, Eintracht Trink, Juvapanam, WC64-WC65Q, 11 goals
 * Hugo Nimbue: FW, Trebuchet Cham, EC6-EC7, 5 goals
 * Shayna Nelson: FW, Rovers United, EC6, 4 goals
 * Timothy Nexus: MF, WC35-WC37. A native of 102d by way of the AIU. Nexus was once "the techie," assisting (robotic coach) BOB when the nature of fractal reality interfered with wireless communication, before joining the team in his own right. He was fueled mainly by a seemingly endless supply of caffeine, and very surprised by Zwangzug's dominant performance in the World Cup 37 qualifiers.
 * Amos Noile-Murne: MF, Bassabook Old Boys, WC84-CoH 80, 10 goals
 * Chip Noonan: MF, Arlington City, Albrecht Turkish, WC41-42. Started scintillating counterattacks on his collegiate dynasty, but lacked the endurance for ninety-minute success. A large player, he was a poor tackler and ejected several times in his CMSC career, which spanned seasons XXX-XXXII. He scored nine goals there, and fit in better with Alex Parnett than Scott Soldarian.
 * Dima Novak: DF, Excelsior Slogda, Athletik Thessia, WC64-CoH 60, 1 goal. One of the taller players in the "second-generation" team.
 * Zurab Nozadze: DF, Excelsior Slogda, WC80-WC82Q
 * Manuel Nurtch-Arnolds: DF, Keppal Cosmos, EC6-EC7

O

 * Allie Octar-Celyn: DF, Canbix Muses, EC6
 * Connor Ohme: DF, Bassabook Old Boys, CoH 60-WC69. Fairly withdrawn, a stereotypical "southeasterner" who found it difficult to talk to more liberal-minded people about his faith.
 * Simon Ryne Olson: FW, Marienburg United, WC33-39, 91 goals
 * Compars Ogawa: MF, Eintracht Trink, EC6.
 * Anne Onymous: outfield substitute, WC33-35. This is probably just a stupid placeholder pun we thought was funny at the time, rather than an actual player or quantum multiplicity of players who wore any single/double-digit integer that wasn't taken. But if we're going to be completist about this, here we are.

P

 * Subroto Parida: DF, Namiri Independent, WC80-IAC9. Struggled with chronic, nauseating migraines throughout his career.
 * Helen Pimbura: GK, Canbix Muses, WC88-present
 * Tori Pfendler: MF, Arlington City, WC42. Good at the passing game, though often set up her opponents instead.
 * Nancy Puyo-Sachar: MF, Trebuchet Cham, EC11-present, 1 goal. Married to Griffith Puyo-Sachar, a shortstop for the Weegham Rainmakers and the national baseball team.

R

 * Arlo Rais-Sonnen: FW, FTC United, WC66-WC69, 21 goals
 * Delia Ramos-Avea: MF, Ephesian FC, WC69
 * Corey Richardson: MF, Advance Alara, EC10-present, 3 goals. A lot of raw talent but plagued by nerves. Won the university championship with Erewhon University in (Zwangzug's) season 31. Part of the Team of the Season for Ko-oren's league in (their) season 34. Seemed to find some tranquility in Cup of Harmony 80, when he scored the winning goal in extra time against St Trinians in the round of 32; this was Zwangzug's nomination for goal of the tournament.
 * Nadine Roark: DF, Excelsior Slogda, WC68-69. Liked wearing long ponytails, which often saw her clash with manager Matilda Kratochvil in Slogda and the national team.
 * Corianne Rogawski: MF, Rovers United, EC7-WC83, 5 goals
 * Angela Rose-Dauphine DF, Spenson Suburbia, WC65-WC67
 * Martina Ruan: MF, FTC United, WC64-WC69, 18 goals
 * Steven Ruck: MF, IYC Ajer, Cardarel FC, WC33-World Cup 41, 4 goals

S

 * Danilo Sabbia: MF, Bassabook Old Boys, EC7-CoH 72, 1 goal
 * Randall Saitta: DF, Bassabook Old Boys, WC83-WC87, 13 goals. Could be insensitive, but had a solid work ethic.
 * Taylor Sariger-Heshik: FW, Keppal Cosmos, WC69, 5 goals
 * Marlon Sayle-Bren: MF, Sporting Esper, CoH 72-IAC9, 17 goals. Named to the Galacticos long-list post-UICA season 72 and again post-IFCF 1.
 * Martin Scallop: DF, Keppal Cosmos, WC80-WC83, 5 goals
 * Tullio Schi: MF, Bassabook Old Boys, Bengtsmark IF, CoH 57-WC69, 13 goals
 * Franziska Schnee-Krull: DF, Eintracht Trink, KF Koflir, EC7-WC83. Stoked controversy in Qusmo by stating relatively conservative views on sexual dimorphism and language, further inflaming anti-immigrant sentiment there.
 * Claude Seu: MF, Clube Imperial, WC37-40, 1 goal. A quiet player of Ariddian ancestry.
 * Lawrence Sevvy: DF, WC33-35. A native of Bassabook known for his off-the-field affairs, Sevvy greatly resented (robotic coach) BOB's attempt at instilling curfew. During Zwangzug's matches against Rejistania in the World Cup 35 qualifiers, he joined forces with a fan from The Hurd to hack the manager into irrelevancy, paving the way for human coaches thereafter.
 * Rohit Sharma: FW, Namiri Forest, Chelmar FC, WC40-42, 35 goals.
 * Michael Sheldon: DF, Spenson Suburbia, Central United, WC38-42. Conceded a penalty in a friendly against Candelaria And Marquez in the World Cup 38 qualifiers, which probably did not endear him to the coach. After his domestic career, he disappeared almost completely; rumors linked him with the police in his adopted homeland of Cafundéu.
 * Simone Shimura: DF, Eintracht Trink, EC6
 * Akhil Sibal: DF, Namiri Forest, Stade Djalenga, Energija Chernovets, WC84-present, 4 goals. Got an assist in the winning goal of Chernovets' AOCL championship.
 * Ted Silla-Raty: MF, Twineur Bugs, WC64-CoH 57. Missed some time in the World Cup 65 cycle due to a health issue, that fortunately for everyone wasn't serious enough to let him self-centeredly complain about it.
 * Mobin Singh: DF, WC42, Namiri Forest. A wing-back equally comfortable on the right and left.
 * Farrokh Sokhi: MF, CoH 80-present, Namiri Forest, 2 goals
 * Ulysses Stael: MF, WC33-34. The older brother of Steven Ruck, Ulysses would likely have had a longer and more talented career if Zwangzug had fielded a team earlier. He was at one point in negotiations to play for a domestic team in St Samuel, but it is unknown if those came to fruition.
 * Sydney Stefred: DF, Arlington City, CoH 74-EC9, 4 goals
 * Rudolf Sternberg: MF, Ephesian FC, WC65-WC68Q, 1 goal. A native of Clunvers, the suburb of Zwischen known for the "Big Max" meteorite disaster, and glad to be famous for something else. Scored the goal that clinched Zwangzug's return to the proper in WC66, against New Matawan.
 * Phillip Stings: FW, IYC Uharan, WC 33-40, 83 goals
 * Hanna Suzuki: MF, Eintracht Trink, B71 Invitational-present, 5 goals

T

 * Kerry Tammany: MF, Bassabook Old Boys, WC64-WC65Q, 5 goals
 * Kelci Tanaka-Whit: MF, Rovers United, EC6, 2 goals
 * Rube Tercer: DF, WC33-35
 * Evan Terwilliger: FW, Chelmar FC, Cardarel FC, WC37-World Cup 41, 2 goals. Somewhat fluky, though not to the extremes of international and domestic teammate Ian Felsenfeld.
 * Monica Tewsal: GK, Sporting Esper, EC6
 * Laurel Tinker-Witt: GK, Canbix Muses, Dwile Warriors, Strathcona Internationals, WC84-[[Eagles Cup|EC11]
 * Dominik Topi: GK, Trebuchet Cham, WC66-WC68Q
 * Anatoly Trumper: GK, WC33-34
 * Fedya Troy-Vee: GK, 102d Jr.s, WC87-present
 * Misako Tsuki: FW, Eintracht Trink, EC7-CoH 72, 11 goals. Accidentally got roped into researching whether a huge percentage of our population really dies by getting lost in the wilderness, theorized it's mostly AI and zebra citizens. Scored a lot of highlight-reel goals for Trink. Became a guest lecturer and then coach of the prestigious Bryce College, leading them to a university championship in Season 30.
 * Joshua Twoni: MF, Arlington City, WC82-WC86, 27 goals. Galacticos long list cycle 76 and 78, reserve XII cycle 77. Golden boot in the Hinodejin video game simulation of World Cup 85. Captain of the national team World Cup 86, and of the Arlington side that won the IFCF Challenger's Cup 3.

U

 * Kurt Uehara: DF, Eintracht Trink, FC Soessch, Easthold Royals, CoH 74-EC8, 1 goal
 * Caleb Upsil-Coyne: MF, Spenson Suburbia, EC6-EC7

V

 * Ricardo Valbuena: MF, Ephesian FC, WC80-CoH 74
 * Peter Vanderpent: FW, Albrecht FC, WC37-41, 61 goals
 * Kausalya Vizirani: DF, Namiri Forest, EC8-present, 1 goal

W

 * Valerie Waugh: FW, 102d Jr.s, EC11-present, 5 goals
 * Patrick Wentworth-Eyrie: MF, Twineur Bugs, EC6-EC7, 1 goal. Ancestor of Jonathan Broad-Wentworth, who would also play for Twineur circa season 28.
 * Emily Winters-Neumann: GK, Twineur Bugs, WC64-66. Very reserved, had an ongoing feud with Davi Keane-Liuprand.
 * Franklin Witchein-Coan: DF, Spenson Suburbia, Fryi Frêndê, WC67-WC69, 1 goal. Fan of loud music.
 * Liorit Wirth: MF, Eintracht Trink, WC68-WC69, 3 goals
 * Dustin Wodehouse: GK, Spenson Suburbia, EC6
 * Vera Woredann: MF, Excelsior Slogda, WC66-WC69

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